Holding Back Daylight


It’s is so dark in here.  I cannot see a thing.  That shadow…that ever-repressing shadow hovers over me making sure I cannot break free.  Chained to him forever.  That’s what he’d like me to believe.

A month has passed since the incident.  He shot me. Left me to die in the filthy street in the dark of night. I heard the sirens approach.  Felt a presence so, so near. Next thing I knew there were people prodding and shouting.  The EMT’s.  “She’s lost a lot of blood but is still alive”, one said.  The one placing the mask over my face.  I couldn’t see anything.  Could just feel them moving me this way and that.


Another voice…one I recognise is answering questions.  “What do you think happened here?”.  A policeman then.  The familiar voice responded, “We went out with some colleagues this evening.  I offered her a lift home a left.  Then I noticed she’d forgot her jacket so I turned around to return it.  Then I saw her lying here in the street.  No one else in sight.  That’s when I called you guys.  I didn’t touch her…just kept watch. She was alone”.


Alone.  The way I’ve been for most of my life.  Today I lie here in the ICU telling myself that something’s got to give.  He shot me in the head and chest.  The headshot was just a graze and the chest blow narrowly missed my heart.


I found out later that the one who helped me was the colleague I’d taken a lift with earlier that night.  He has so many questions.  Questions I am unwilling to answer.  I don’t want him or anyone at the office to know about my past.  He is being so kind to me but I don’t trust men…no matter how kind they seem.  I don’t want him to get too close.  I spoke to the police and gave them all relevant details in order for them to do their investigation and catch my shooter.  They know the history because I have filed for a protection order previously.  Now attempted murder will be added to that file.  “Do you want to go into protective custody” the detective asks me.  I say no.  Thanks.  I don’t want to run anymore.


He doesn’t yet know I’m still alive.  Oh, I’ll be moving house…but that’s it.  I will carry on life as it was.  I’ve got a good thing going at my new workplace.  Finally, closer to a dream I’ve had for so long.  I will not allow him to take anymore from me.


No more holding back daylight.






This piece is part of a series that seems to have no end.  It would be awesome if you’d read the other posts and poems related to this.  Let me know your thoughts.

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