Holding Back Daylight


It’s is so dark in here. I cannot see a thing. That shadow…that ever-repressing shadow hovers over me making sure I cannot break free. Chained to him forever. That’s what he’d like me to believe.

A month has passed since the incident. He shot me. Left me to die in the filthy street in the dark of night. I heard the sirens approach. Felt a presence so, so near. Next thing I knew there were people prodding and shouting. The EMT’s. “She’s lost a lot of blood but is still alive”, one said. The one placing the mask over my face. I couldn’t see anything. Could just feel them moving me this way and that.

Another voice…one I recognise is answering questions. “What do you think happened here?”. A policeman then. The familiar voice responded, “We went out with some colleagues this evening. I offered her a lift home and left. Then I noticed she’d forgot her jacket so I turned around to return it. Then I saw her lying here in the street. No one else in sight. That’s when I called you guys. I didn’t touch her…just kept watch. She was alone”.

Alone. The way I’ve been for most of my life. Today I lie here in the ICU telling myself that something’s got to give. He shot me in the head and chest. The headshot was just a graze and the chest blow narrowly missed my heart.

I found out later that the one who helped me was the colleague I’d taken a lift with earlier that night. He has so many questions. Questions I am unwilling to answer. I don’t want him or anyone at the office to know about my past. He is being so kind to me but I don’t trust men…no matter how kind they may seem. I don’t want him to get too close. I spoke to the police and gave them all relevant details in order for them to do their investigation and catch my shooter. They know the history because I have filed for a protection order previously. Now attempted murder will be added to that file. “Do you want to go into protective custody?” the detective asks me. I say no. Thanks. I don’t want to run anymore.

He doesn’t yet know I’m still alive. Oh, I’ll be moving house…but that’s it. I will carry on life as it was. I’ve got a good thing going at my new workplace. Finally, closer to a dream I’ve had for so long. I will not allow him to take anymore from me.

No more holding back daylight.

This piece is part of a series that seems to have no end. It would be awesome if you’d read the other posts and poems related to this. Let me know your thoughts.

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