Bringing down the hashtag #menaretrash and realising that #notallmenaretrash. Last week was the first installment. Ruth-Mandy Abercrombie and I decided we’d like to expand on this. Consider this…It takes a strong man…
You meet this guy. You like him. He seems…nice. But he doesn’t like your kid. Never wants to have family-type dates. Stay away from that guy. He’s already shown you he doesn’t want all of you.
You meet a guy. He treats you well. Suggests you spend time together – kid included. You like him. Your kid likes him. He likes you both. Wants you both in his world. He might just be a keeper (just beware of the creepers).
I have heard (and seen) so many cases of women who marry these men knowing that their children will never really be welcome or accepted. Men who suggest the child stay with dad or grandma or whoever else. I repeat – if the man does not want your child then he doesn’t want all of you. You cannot force him to love your child. As I said…too many cases I know of…and almost always do they end in heartbreak for the innocent party.
Then every so often I see gems. Men who step up to the plate, never ever having the privilege of fathering a child before, yet he jumps in with both feet. Men who accept mother and child and love both. Men who say to themselves “Hey, my family is ready-made, how lucky am I”. To these men I say Thank You!
Thank you for giving the woman you love peace of mind that she doesn’t have to really choose between you and her child. Thank you for acknowledging that the child was there before you so you have to fit into his/her world and not the other way around. Thank you for being a father-figure (because we know sometimes the biological dads go to the shop to buy a loaf of bread and somehow permanently lose their way home).
“It takes a strong man to accept somebody else’s children and step up to the plate another man left on the table.”
– Ray Johnson
Thank you for being a real man. You deserve all that is good coming your way and will be blessed abundantly because you are a blessing.
To the awesome stepdads – YOU ROCK!
Needless to say the uncles, granddads and family friends who step in when there is no dad (step or otherwise) – you are true gems and I take my hat off to you for taking time to bring a child joy and a mother relief. It really does take a village.
You are proof that #notallmenaretrash.
If you have a man in your life (stepdad, granddad or mentor) – tag them and let them know you appreciate them. Was he good to your kids? Provided you with the right guidance and stability whilst growing up? Raised you right? Tag away. It’s high time we appreciate good men out loud.
Let me know your opinions.